I wish I could say that I got to see my mother, my sister, my best friend, or my grandmothers today for mothers day but they’re all gone. I have a good relationship with my daughter now, she is the only female left that I have any kind of relationship with anymore and I am very grateful for that because we didn’t always have the best relationship. My mom would always tell me she hoped we would have a good relationship one day.
Every female that I held dear to my heart and got most of my support from in my life are all gone and passed away except for one. My only living sister that I have left and we have never had a very good relationship. In fact I think that it was maybe a year after our mom and my other half sister passed away, that I spoke to her last in 2012. I would see her occasionally but we never really had any deep meaningful conversations it was always in passing.
We used to fight a lot when we were growing up and she was always trying to boss me around and tell me what to do and I hated it. As we got older, I would try to spend time with her and she always felt like she had to tell me what she thought I should be doing with my life. It drove me nuts and got to a point where I just didn’t want to talk about myself around her anymore because every time I did she would think she had to give me advice. I didn’t want any advice I just wanted someone to listen and I had to even tell her that once. But my sister isn’t equipped that way, she has the personality of a drill sergeant, I am not even sure where she got that from because she wasn’t ever in the military.
As time went on I stopped talking to my sister and began just living my life. I moved away in 2016 with my oldest son to another town over an hour away from our hometown. I occasionally think about her but I never go to see her if I am in my hometown. I am not really sure what I would say to her if I do see her because we just can never manage to have that bond that me and my other sister had. She doesn’t even have a relationship with her son and I go visit him often. She’s just really hard to get along with.
She turned my extended family against me shortly before my mom passed away in 2011 by telling them stuff about me that wasn’t true. I took a trip South right after my mom and half sister passed away, as they were right next to each other at hospice and passed away within 11 hours apart. I was distraught over it and I didn’t know how to go on with my life after that. I just wanted to start over but it didn’t work out and I ended up having to go right back to our hometown again. But I did get the chance to find out first hand how our extended family really felt about me by wanting me and my children to stay at a shelter instead of letting us stay with them for a few days to figure out what we were going to do. We ended up staying in a hotel that my brother worked for a few days and then they paid for us to leave and told me to never come back. That really hurt my feelings a lot and I won’t ever forget it.
I’ve been struggling to get my life figured out, and having had some health problems along the way that have kept me from living the life I’ve wanted for years. After raising my kids by myself as a single parent now their basically helping take care of me. After all of the hard labor work that I had to do when they were little, led me to have back problems and chronic pain. Now I am in need of having surgery and can’t work anymore, so the rest of my family looks down on me for that as well as other things. They did the same thing to my mom when she wasn’t able to work as she was legally blind and had mental health issues. It was only after her funeral that I found out how everyone really felt about her….shame! They were ashamed of her even though it wasn’t her fault that she had health problems and didn’t have money or a husband to take care of her.
My writing is what is helping me deal with life after losing all of the people that I love & cared for most in my life. My life hasn’t been the same since they left and I don’t know why God took them home as they were all so young. Why did he have to leave me with a bunch of assholes that don’t care about me or my kids. Maybe he has something better for me but right now I couldn’t begin to imagine what that might be. I just hope and pray that I can finish my career and education, get my health taken care of once and for all and finally become the person I am meant to be. Who knows maybe when I publish my book and I tell the world just what kind of family I have, maybe they will think twice about how they treated me and my children but….I doubt it. People like that don’t ever change, they just grow more bitter and cold hearted.